Smriti Mandhana says “sympathy feels worse” (Image: https://www.facebook.com/mandhanasmriti18/photos

Smriti Mandhana’s recent conversation with Raj Shamani is interesting not because she reveals every painful detail, but because of what she says about how she chooses to deal with pain. In an interview centred on pressure, mistakes, emotions and failure, the Indian cricketer repeatedly returns to one idea: feeling bad is human, but staying stuck there is a choice.And then comes the line that stands out: “Sympathy feels worse.”It is a striking way to describe something many people, particularly women, may recognise. When something goes wrong, sympathy can sound kind. But sometimes, being treated as fragile can feel more uncomfortable than the setback itself. What you may actually want is the space to process what happened, regain your footing and decide what comes next.Mandhana's interview offers a glimpse into that mindset.She speaks openly about difficult moments in her cricket career. During Shamani's conversation, she discusses pressure, anxiety, losing, mistakes and the emotional toll of playing at the highest level. The episode also touches on the World Cup final, ambition and the sacrifices involved in building a career in cricket.Mandhana has spoken about this approach before. After India's loss in the 2017 Women's World Cup final, she described spending time thinking about what she and the team could have done better, but also said she did not want to ruminate on the defeat for too long. She would write after World Cups, reflect on what happened and then begin preparing for the next cycle.

The “sympathy” problem

For women, setbacks can sometimes come with an additional layer: people deciding how they should feel about them.A woman who fails may be comforted. A woman who succeeds may be praised. But when she is hurting, there can be a tendency to soften the way she is seen.Mandhana's approach challenges that instinct.“I am hurting” does not automatically mean “I need to be rescued.”There is a difference between compassion and pity. Compassion can say: I know this is difficult, and I am here if you need me. Pity can unintentionally say: You are now someone to feel sorry for.Her 30-minute rule says something similarOne of the more revealing parts of the Raj Shamani conversation is Mandhana's discussion of her 30-minute rule for handling emotions. The broader idea is not to deny anger, disappointment or frustration, but to give those emotions a boundary before returning to what needs to be done.That is particularly relevant outside sport.

The instinct can be to replay the moment endlessly. Mandhana's philosophy is almost the opposite: feel it, understand it, learn from it, then move.She has also said that continually crying over mistakes or sitting inside them does not help a person improve. Her focus is on extracting the lesson and getting better.

Why this matters for women

Women are often expected to be resilient, but resilience is sometimes misunderstood as silently enduring everything. Mandhana's version is more practical: you can acknowledge that something hurt without handing the steering wheel to that hurt.

And you can accept someone's concern without allowing their sympathy to become the story of what happened to you.That may be the most powerful takeaway from Mandhana's interview.The goal isn't to become someone who never breaks down. It is to become someone who knows how to find her way back.Mandhana's conversation with Raj Shamani ultimately becomes less about cricket and more about that quiet transition: from What happened to me? to What do I do next?